HOUSE HUNTERS INTERNATIONAL

I love to watch HHI because I enjoy seeing and learning about places I didn’t know existed that I need to visit. Thanks to the show, I pay much more attention to the Azores specials on Travelzoo; who doesn’t love a volcanic island?  St. Lucia, anyone?

The people on HHI, however, have got to go. Because if I hear the phrase ‘’push myself outside my comfort zone’’ one more time, I’m going to blow a gasket. Here’s a tip: pushing yourself outside your comfort zone should not be waved about like your new country’s flag. The reason for this is simple: people step outside of their comfort zone all day, every day. By definition (read: Wikipedia), while in the comfort zone a person feels at ease, in control, and has low anxiety. Which means that I am stepping outside my comfort zone every time I get off the sofa. What if there is no Diet Coke in the fridge when I get there? What if there is Diet Coke but it is warm and there is no ice? What if there are no potato chips to enjoy with the Diet Coke? Each of these thoughts produces separate, but no less terrifying, anxiety. But do I announce I’m pushing myself outside my comfort zone for all the world to hear? I do not.

Likewise, people on HHI claim to be ‘’citizens of the world.’’ Aren’t we all? Simply by default of living on earth? (Yeah yeah yeah I Wiki’d that one too, and I found Angelina Jolie has won a Citizen of the World award. So if it’s possible to NOT be one, please let me know so I can get away from that home-wrecking whore. ) The philosophy behind being a world citizen is that humankind is essentially one. No shit, Sherlock. Again, aren’t the facts that we are human and living in the world pretty self-apparent without its own philosophy? The true beauty of this ridiculous phrase is that you can actually get yourself a badge to wear and a real flag to wave to declare yourself properly. You know, so no one mistakes you for a citizen of Tatooine.

I will now perform a public service by providing some information about international living in general.

First, ‘’open plan,” “bathtub,” and “walk-in closet” are American in nature. So if you plan to move to Paris where the homes were built before people wore clothes, please do not be surprised when there are little or no closets.

Second, you cannot ‘’immerse yourself in the local culture’’ and live in an ‘’ex-pat community’’ simultaneously.

Third, people in different countries speak different languages. If you are not interested in learning the local language, please do not be surprised when you have difficulty adapting.

Finally, since my guess is that this missive is not going to change in the world of which I am a citizen, I will now introduce a word that hopefully will assist all the other world citizens out there as they continue to push themselves outside their comfort zones in their future international endeavors: self-importance.  Learn it, know it, and for the love of Pete stop living it. I thank you, and the rest of the citizens of the world thank you.

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