So… it’s finally done. The end of the world is upon us because same sex marriage is now legal. Or perhaps absolutely positively nothing will be different for me when I wake up tomorrow. You know, since I won’t be busy planning a wedding since I’m not gay. Just like it will not be different for all the other hetero people on earth, even the ones all busy with the ‘’It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve’’ picketing and the gnashing of teeth about the whole thing causing the Armageddon. I guess it will be different in that they might need to find something new to hate on. Silly me; the legality of same sex marriage is not going to stop the haters from hating. That’s like saying legalizing pot is going to stop the weed from being delightful.
Anyhoo…. In case you didn’t notice from the intro, Ralphie Nugget celebrates pride. He would like to officially celebrate pride on Facebook, but his human is too dumb to figure out how to do it on his page. So only his mama’s page has the official celebrate pride photo. Nonetheless, Ralphie is a huge celebrater of pride, along with diversity, freedom, recovery, birthdays, and good times, c’mon.
Granted, he is just a dog (and some would argue next in line to fight for marriage equality after last week’s Supreme Court ruling that will ruin life as we know it), but his logic seems to be sound. Ralphie believes that everyone should have the right to be as miserable as opposite sex married couples. I mean, let’s face it, if being married were all that grand, the haters would be too busy enjoying the company of their opposite sex spouse to be out picketing.
With that being said, we also support the right of the picketers to picket and say whatever the hell they want, regardless of how ludicrous or hateful it may be. Free speech is what keeps this crappy website going. I would recommend, however, that perhaps the picketers do a little work in a soup kitchen or pick up some roadside trash once they are done vomiting their hate-filled invective. You know, to counterbalance the venom. Said the pot to the kettle.
And now, back to the topic at hand. We don’t discuss homosexuality and the fight for marriage equality very often at Chateau Nugget (pronounced New-zhay) because 1. We think it should be a non-issue, and 2. Because we are too busy being distraught about Jon Stewart leaving The Daily Show. (Stew Beef!!!!) Plus, because Ralphie can’t read (yet), he is not aware of the debate our nation has been undergoing regarding marriage equality. This is what Ralphie knows: the dog park is way more fun when everyone plays together instead of when they fight. Also, if a dog wants to hump a dog of the same sex, as long as the humper and the humpee are happy, no one else cares.
As a dog, he understands that other dogs bite. Sometimes it is a dog he thought he knew and shared a kinship with, only to be disappointed to find the other dog is not balanced enough (thank you, Cesar Millan) to be able to accept a change in his environment without attack. Ralphie has learned that the best recourse is avoidance of the unbalanced. Every once in awhile, though, there is such an unbalanced beast that it is dangerous to the community as a whole and must be reported. And here it is: Josh Robinson. Please do everything you can to protect yourself from this vicious attacker, aka Beware of Dog.
But enough of the negativity. This is a time of celebration! You know why? Because a celebration is not a celebration without cake! And cake is the best! So get to the nearest bakery and get yourself a rainbow icing cake and let the celebration begin! Damn, now I’m hungry. And I digress; back to Ralphie…
Usually at this point I would try to pull it all together with a nice, witty wrap-up, probably mentioning how humans have a lot to learn from dogs. But today, because Ralphie Nugget cannot speak (yet), he would like me to summarize this way: Please send Milk-Bones. Thank you.
Shameless plug to those of you planning a wedding: A Little White Wedding Chapel, Las Vegas; make sure you have Elvis sing.