FAREWELL, JON STEWART

I’m going to take credit for starting a retirement trend that Jon Stewart couldn’t resist. This is the only logical explanation for why he would ruin my world by leaving The Daily Show. Apparently, he is now off on some farm in New Jersey raising goats with his wife, which gives my total bad ass husband (PTST) hope that, like Jon Stewart, someday his dream of being a goat herder will be realized. Guess I should be grateful for that one final gift, but I’m thinking it’s going to come back to bite me in the ass when I’m 80 years old and fighting off a billy goat attack.

I am still running around yelling STEW BEEF anytime someone says stew, or beef, or Jon Stewart, or The Daily Show, or sometimes none of the above. Just because it’s fun to yell. Of course, now that Jon Stewart is no longer on the air, it is even more random and upsetting to the neighbors. Oh well, whatchagonnado…

The departure has left the Rozycki household routine in upheaval, as we enjoyed eating our evening dinner in front of the taped (yes, I still say taped; I am a fossil) episode of The Daily Show from the night before. It was my sole source of news information, unless you count looking at Us magazine online. And it was a nice distraction from the offal I had created in the kitchen and called dinner. But now that is gone and I am sad. The routine, not the offal; the offal will remain as long as I am in charge of cooking dinner.

Do I know what’s happening in the Middle East? Not at all. Do I know who is winning in the polls? No idea. Do I know what ridiculous thing Donald Trump said today? Well, yeah, because I cannot resist him. The biggest heartbreak of all, now I am forced to actually READ (yes, I am yelling) to get my news.

Mike’s great disappoint lies in the fact that I have begun replacing the time I spent watching Jon Stewart watching even more HGTV. Having already announced that being retired has given me ‘’too much time for thinking,’’ he is less than ecstatic to find me spending my days viewing Fixer Upper and Property Brothers. He’s been around long enough to know this only leads to more projects for him, and less time to watch the new Fear of the Walking Dead.

Ralphie thinks that the departure of Jon Stewart means he should get a treat. He thinks everything means he should get a treat. Silly dog.

I’m sure that Noah Wylie or Noah Drake or whatever the hell his name is will do a fine job. But it will never be the same. And my heart is so broken that I have advised my total bad ass husband (PTST) to remove The Daily Show from our list of shows to be recorded. I am hopeful that someday my grieving the loss of Jon Stewart will end, and I will be able to watch the show once again. Until then, I need to remind Mike to stop at Lowe’s on his way home from work and get some crown molding…

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