FACEBOOK

Since I have broken my “I’m never signing up” rule and signed onto Facebook for this blog, I have learned a couple things. First of all, I currently have a four-ingredient chicken dish in the oven that someone posted; I’ll get back to you on whether it is a giant success or an epic fail. Knowing my cooking skills, my shiny quarter is on the latter.

I have also learned that Facebook really does serve some good purposes—namely, pictures of adorable kids, and pictures of animals lost or looking for a forever home. It is difficult for me to not rush out and snatch up every furry face in search of a home that I see, but I don’t want to end up as a Facebook News headline as the world’s biggest puppy hoarder. Plus, Ralphie states he prefers being an only child so we can focus all of our love and affection (READ: toys and treats) on him. So in case you were wondering if his diva ways were fading with his end of puppyhood, yeah, that’s a big fat NO.

Anyhoo… Another learning experience was finding out that I should care where my friends are eating today. It seemed odd to me when I first began looking at posts that this information should be provided, but I figured eventually I would figure out the reason behind it. Perhaps there would be a later post telling me that there was an extended wait time or service was bad, so I should avoid said restaurant. Maybe there are roaches. Or rats. Or maybe they are giving away free beer. But as far as I can tell, it is just to tell me where someone is eating. Which leads me to wonder if I should be adding a post every evening that states I am dining at Café Rozycki. I would post when I eat at Pizza Al’s, but the oftenness would make the internet explode.

I have also learned that people will believe just about anything. Who has two thumbs and has seen more photoshopped crap passed off as real than a Playboy magazine? This guy! Here’s a tip: if it looks too good to be true, it is. This applies to both real life and Facebook. Just sayin. So… Jesus will not stop loving you if you don’t repost his picture; you will not have good luck and get fifty bucks if you repost the one that says you will. And if you are not certain whether or not it is real, please resist the urge to share. Thank you from the entire universe.

But the absolutely, positively, very best thing that I have learned from Facebook is that people are just as narcissistic and idiotic as I always suspected. Arcane posts about feelings, hoping that others will ask what’s going on? Check. Calling out people for driving too fast in the neighborhood, thinking it will slow them down? Check. Posting so much inspiring, uplifting, positivist-filled dreck that I want to punch you right in the face?  Check.  Humblebragging about how crowded it was at the sold out WVU-Maryland game this weekend? Check. Wait a minute… That will be me…

Today was a beautiful day in the neighborhood, so Ralphie and I went to the park. We had a lovely time burning off some puppy energy and working on our Heel and No Pull commands. Then we came home and I looked at Facebook and got so angry at the ridiculousness that I had to blog. This is no way to live.  But I fear I am entrapped in the tentacles of the Book like the others around me. Only time will tell. Until then, I should look and see where everyone’s eating dinner tonight…

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